Every breath is a second chance

Do you ever get the feeling the world around you is moving and you're only dimly aware of it? Your head is there, but not necessarily your heart... I think this semester, more than ever, I've come to realize that I've been settling for complacency. Sure, I work hard, but not really in a timely fashion, and only when I absolutely need to. Part of me likes to blame it on the fact that I'm the slowest reader in the world, but the other part of me knows that in most situations, I can get away with it. But sooner or later, I won't be able to anymore. And that's not even all...



Some days I feel a lot freer than others. But oftentimes I find myself longing for some kind of platonic connection (although it's not like I don't have any - I don't pretend to understand the inner workings of my mind :P), and ultimately hiding behind my insecurities, and my fear of getting hurt again. There's a certain quiet peace of mind that can come with being by yourself, but when you're alone in the sense that you're simmering in your own recycled emotions, you kind of just end up with intense feelings of disconnect. I've learned a lot about myself this year, some good and some bad. And while much of the earlier sadness has dissipated, I'm still left dealing with a (new) side of myself I'd rather not confront. And without the feeling of overwhelming sadness in my life anymore, I can't justify why I feel so lost. I want to lift my broken (and confused) spirit up to God. I want to have a passion for Him, to feel that inside of me, and not be content with a spirit of stagnancy.