There's a still in the street outside your window

Summer is winding down for me. I think it's the fact that I have a summer class twice a week now...and I'm just kind of ready for school to start again. I miss the dorm life a little. But I still want to go to the beach again! Sunrise beach trip, anyone? Justine and I are (hopefully) planning one when she gets back from Greece in a few weeks. :)

My dreams have been really bizarre lately. It kind of makes me wonder what's been going on in my psyche (lols). Get this - for the past few nights, my dreams have consisted of me getting shot multiple times... What. And it actually hurts! Getting dream-shot, I mean. Isn't that crazy? That you can feel physical pain in your dreams...and the fact that they never seem strange until you wake up, and there's that lingering feeling that something was off...

Song recommendation of the day: "Crossfire" by Brandon Flowers! It's splendid.

P.S. Add me on Skype! I'm kabasaurus. :)

If ten million fireflies lit up the world as I fell asleep

Last night when we left Baltimore I could smell the ocean in my hair. Add to that our discovery on the drive home that if it was dark enough, we could see fireflies lighting up the trees as we drove by - it was completely ethereal - and that makes for a lovely weekend. :)

I'm in a good state of mind right now. Occasional stressing-out-about-not-having-research-or-a-job aside, I've been relatively happy lately. And it feels so good! Hello, sunshine! It feels like I've been out of school for ages. But that's okay. Summer '10 is bangin'.

P.S. My brother is graduating from high school tomorrow night. What!

There is so much I can say but words get in the way

Pictures from the CCF Senior Appreciation Dinner! Cute. (I'll upload the rest eventually.) →

Recently, I feel like a number of people have been divulging the tiniest part of their souls to me. It's strange, because while I guess I can be a pretty good listener, I've never been the kind of person that people approach to openly talk about their emotions, their problems, and life. Maybe it's because I've been sad a lot lately - so they feel like if anything, I can at least empathize, in some way - or maybe it's for other reasons.

In the same vein, I've opened up a lot this year, sometimes to the point where it hardly matters who I'm talking to. It makes me feel exceedingly selfish...but also incredibly free. It's a peculiar sensation, almost paradoxical, even - like how sitting in your room with tears streaming down your face can make you feel simultaneously miserable and yet so alive. Feeling everything and nothing at the same time...

We're on the home stretch, you guys! I'm excited for the summer (but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't also scared :\). Let's hang out! I'm free as a bird. :)

Only hymns upon your lips, a mystic wisdom, rising with them to shore

Behold, a succulent! Dorothy and I bought him at Rutgers Day on Douglass today. :) I remember this time last year, the freshmen (so we) were scrambling to film our first class video for the CCF Senior Appreciation Dinner. There was mad traffic so Mike and Mel had to drive over to Douglass to get us, haha. And now we're scrambling to make our sophomore video! I guess sometimes time changes nothing at all, heeee. ;)

It's so weird thinking about last year. I hardly knew any of you. A lot of it was my fault. I was scared, and I put academics on a pedestal. And I'm just a generally forgettable person (at least when it comes to first impressions anyway). I've come to know this. I'm glad I've gotten to know most of you a little better this year. Thanks for being patient with me; I appreciate it more than you could ever imagine. :)

It's so beautiful out! Too bad I have to spend it holed up in my room writing my 12-page Jungian psych paper. Such is life. C'est la vie. Everything sounds better in French.

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes

One of my favorite things about spring is being able to take a walk in the evening and just look at the silhouettes of the trees against the color palette of the sky - because for a fleeting moment, you're at peace with the world, your mind, your emotions - something that I've been lacking lately. It has been a little too hot for comfort this week, though.

We were talking about the nature of our dreams at the dining hall the other day. I thought of this one recurring dream of mine, where I'm at the bottom of a pool, looking up at the surface. The sun is shining through the water, and I keep trying to swim to the top, but I never seem to get any closer. For some reason though, there is an absence of fear - which is strange, since the thought of drowning paralyzes me. But I can't hold my breath any longer, and the surface is still as far away as it was when I first started, and when my lungs are about to burst I inhale...and I can breathe. And always, this moment is so liberating. Maybe it's not about drowning, or swimming to the top, but believing that I don't have to.

And now, I shall end this vaguely introspective entry with something completely irrelevant! I call this, "Oovoo at 3:00 in the Morning." Or better yet, "Kathy, Dorothy, and Earnestine in Rare Form."

Earnestine Qiu: i wonder when the hen is hatching the eggs if it ever goes back up by accident
Dorothy Chang: i bet it does. like a giant poo.
Earnestine Qiu: you'll see when you're ripping it up to eat it
Kathy Chao: omg
Dorothy Chang: true. and then we get a free chicken egg.

Yeah, I don't even know. It's better not to ask, I think. :P